Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts

Friday, September 06, 2019

Your Children and Their Choices Don't Define You.

A Little Disclaimer: I've had a draft of this article/encouragement sitting in my queue to finish 
for months and I thought now is a good time to finally finish it with the season I'm currently in. :-)

As my wife and I move into the next phase of life with all of our 5 children being young adults now, I've been reflecting on all the child raising years. 

I've noted my own strengths, weaknesses, successes, and mistakes and yet despite all my short comings and even the good things I've done, I see that my adult children are making good decisions. They are owning their faith and relationship with The Lord and working toward their adult goals. I have no doubt that they will do well with God has their guide and I will continue to pray for them and be a line of counsel as they make their way. 

My aim in this article is to briefly touch on several parent related topics with hopes that you may find encouragement no matter the season you're in and no matter the actions your children choose. May you have a glimpse of God's grace and a renewed hope in The Lord as you continue your journey. 

Friday, June 29, 2018

Parenting: The Art Of The Release and Other Practical Advice.

Read Proverbs 22:6, 2 Peter 1:3-12, Colossians 1:28-29, John 4:7-14 for an encouragement and challenge from God’s Word.
As a dad who has helped raise 5 kids, (All but one are young adults now but I give most of the credit to my wife that they made it into adulthood alive) :-), it’s not uncommon to reflect on things you could have or wished you’d done better as well as the things you did do well too. As I reflected recently, there were many things that came to mind and wanted to share a few reflections / learnings with you. There more to share another time but here's a mini-share for now. :-)
As a parent you learn quickly that there’s no manual for parenting other than of course as followers of Christ, the pages of wisdom found in God’s word.  We are also influenced in one way or another by how we were raised. So, each parent does (or should do) their very best to raise their children with the goal of launching them into adulthood, because launching them is the goal.
As followers of Christ we strive to model an abiding faith in Christ for our children.  However, as they launch into adulthood we have to remember that they have to choose to own their faith and even prior to this they have to own their faith if they are a follower of Christ.
Years ago I read a book by Stu Weber titled, “Tender Warrior” and in that book he describes a quiver of arrows.  What I learned is that there are different arrows for different weather conditions and as I recall, Stu used this as a picture of how each child is different and we pour into them differently and it's not easy sometimes to remember and do, but from the time they are born until they launch into adulthood we are practicing the art of the release. If you've done any amount of archery you quickly get the mental picture of that release.
"If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time." -Zig Ziglar
You have to have a direct aim with parenting and while it’s true that we do need to keep the day-by-day in mind, we also have to keep the future release in mind as we have a responsibility to help launch them successfully.  Ultimately we are not responsible for their actions, for the actions they choose, but, we are responsible for pouring as much into them as possible. 

This doesn’t mean we’re so wrapped up in their lives that we neglect our marriages and don’t continue to build a relationship with their spouses, (keep in mind, once they are launched it’s just you and your spouse if our married and you need to build into your relationship all along and if you haven't...that can make things difficult for your relationship) but it does mean we are responsible to do our very best in God’s strength in order to help our kids become adults.
The scripture reminds us that we’re to train up a child in the way they are to go and the hope is that they would turn to the truths that have been instilled in them from God’s word as well as the wisdom and life skills we tried to instill in them as parents. 
Remember this, as parents, none of us are perfect and we need to learn from our mistakes and grow in grace even for ourselves. We also need to draw from God’s Wisdom and Strength often as parents and consult Him through His Word and prayer. Please drink deeply from God’s Well! As we do, we can build into our children and practice the “release” and speaking from experience, as the day comes more quickly than we imagine. So, you and I better be ready and stay ready building into them as we practice releasing them into adulthood and we can’t do this in our own strength and wisdom alone.
Another thing to consider is that you don't have to go it alone with parenting nor should you. You should seek out and learn from the wisdom and experience of other parents who are at different stages in parenting or stages ahead of you as you progress forward as well. You can and will be used in the lives of other parents too!
Let's pray for one another as parents and let's encourage each other to keep pressing forward. Also, guess what…as your kids launch into adulthood, they will still need you and your counsel so get ready for spontaneous late night conversations on their terms (even in high school) because even though they want to be independent, they still want your counsel too. Doesn’t mean they will follow that advice but it does mean they still want your input so be ready for that! :-)
Keep pressing forward and practice the good form of release just like and archer does. 
In Christ,
Your Brother and Servant,

Randolph Koch

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Friday, June 17, 2016

The 3 Things Every Child Needs To Hear



Words of affirmation are essential to building a positive foundation for your children.

In a world that seeks to tear them down...we can be ones to seek to build them up speaking words of life to and over them!

As parents we sometimes focus only on they areas of shall we say..."Opportunity" or "Improvement" and little time is spent on all the great and amazing things you see in them and believe about them. They need to see and believe the same and more about themselves. 

Also, if you don't tell them...who will?! 

This might be a foreign concept to you because like many, you may not have received this as a child from your parents but regardless of this, you can turn the tide and forge a better way and path for your own children!

This is just one small list and a great beginning and I'm sure you can add to this list but start here...

3 Things Every Child Needs To Hear:

   1. I Love You!
   2. I'm Proud of You!
   3. You are Good at this_______!



This is a list is derived from an incredible men's video series I journeyed through quite a few years ago titled "The Quest for Authentic Manhood" by Robert Lewis and it's stuck with me since then and I've tried to regularly communicate this to my children over the years. 

Dads...you especially need to be the one who leads the charge to show and tell them how capable, talented, proud and loved they are because your words speak volumes to the heart, soul and mind of your children! Never underestimate the power of your words! 


Keep Living life on Purpose and make these affirmations and more a regular habit!

In Christ,

rlk

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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

3 Things a Son needs to hear from his Father


A few years ago I was blessed to participated in a class called The Quest for Authentic Manhood - which I highly recommend.

There were three things Robert Lewis suggests a son needs to hear from His Father. These three things as well as many more have stuck with me and I work to try and communicate these things to the sons God has blessed me with!

3 Things a Son needs to hear from his Father:

I Love You..
I am Proud of you.
You are Good at...

This list is just a starter list - but it is a great start! Furthermore if you look at the relationship of God the Father and God the Son in the New Testament, you'll see that God the Father expressed these same things to His Son Jesus, (God the Son) as suggested in the above list! (Check out the Gospels like the Gospel of Matthew for examples)

I share this list because it's important and in the context of the class the focus was on fathers and sons relationships and fathers doing significant things to bless their sons.

Now, I would also add that dads should express these things to their daughters as well and moms should also express these things to there daughters and sons.

The more parents who reinforce these things and affirm and build-up their children the better!

So, take this list and start implementing it now, keep adding to the list, and never forget these three!

My kids are still young and I've done this in writing and verbally but it's also important to mention that if your children are grown-up and off into adulthood, it's never too late to start blessing your children! Take time now to communicate to them in person and or in writing, (or both!) these things! You will bless them and whether they'd admit it or not, your sons, your children hunger for your love, support, and belief in them. If you can do this in person that would be best and following it up with a written note would be awesome!

In closing, I'd love to hear your stories about how you shared this with your children and their response. Please come back to this blog and leave a comment so you can bless others by your example and experience.

God Bless as you Seek Him!

rlk